Truth · No. · 2

oooooohhh.... I am the worst human being in existence, possibly.

Why am I so terrible at keeping up with people??? I have so much love in my heart for all the people I love, and they all know that I love them dearly I hope, even though I am a terrible friend and person and don't pick up the phone and call or write or anything. I am terrible.

You all know that I love you, right??

I am having serious issues holding my life together... I tried to hang out with people and see people, but it's so hard to stay awake and try to lose weight and work 50 hours a week and keep all my bills paid and my place clean and my relationship with my boyfriend and my family and my friends going strong.... It's just too much, I am not good at multitasking and I am failing miserably at life.

I joined weight watchers because I finally got sick of the sound of my own whine. And also because I am going to be in a Wedding in August and I needed that long to look good. how sad is that??

And oh yeah, I'm an insufferable bitch.

Blah... hatred hatred hatred for myself.

why does anyone every deal with me??

whine whine whine complain.

I don't understand people. period.

What should I do with my life? ideas appreciated.

I need a new pair of flip flops, and I am sad, because I have had this pair for about 4 years plus now, and they are falling apart. for real.

I wish I could do everything. have every major, take every class, work every job, and live life really big.

I want to fly south after I graduate for a few years. I want to experience living something else.

I just want my life to start, that'd be cool.

I'm bored.

Jenn

I am so out of it here... i have no friends to speak of and i just kind of float through everyday until i can go see my friends that are around here. But everyone is way busier than me anyway so i rarely get too. i was actually in a good mood today but i don't know what happened.
Acacdemically, i'm doing better here than i've ever done anywhere, but my heart is in no way into this. It's like i just want to float through the next year and get done with college and move on with my life. I'm ready to move on.
I think i'm cranky because i've been having wierd ass dreams lately. like, seriously vivid.
This is probably the downest i've ever been in my whole life. I need friends to function properly, i need to be around people. But no one here is the kind of person that i like to be friends with or could be friends with.
I feel my old self slipping more and more and more. and i hate it.
Blahrg.

It is Fall, there is love and pretty colors and sweaters everywhere.

yay!

Life is the same as usual. The only people I hang out with anymore are my mom, my grandma, my dog, and my fish. I have a riviting social life, woot woo.

I was going to say something important, but I got distracted.

What am I going to be for Halloween? hmm.

It is freaking freezing in this house. I don't have fingers anymore, i have handsicles.

I think i need to get my digital camera working again.

and i need to stop shopping because i have a serious addiction and have spent way too much money for life on things i don't need. if you see me anywhere near a store, tackle me.

that's it, i'm not deep or anything, i got nothing much going on, life is kind of ho hum.

I Love you all and i hope everyone is happy because you should be because it's Fall and Fall is beautiful and gives you feelings inside you can't describe.

Don't you hate when you grow up and things change and all the friends and people that you loved never talk to you or want to be around you anymore?? that could just be me though because i'm evil.

whine whine whine complain.

so many things are hard right now, but so many things are good right now.
but it feels like something is bubbling right under the surface.

everyone stop trying to figure your lives out. it's giving me a head ache.
except for kellie because she writes beautifully.

doo doo doo.

going con the flow.

Things going on right now:

there is an adorable chubby groundhog outside the window that i have been watching amble about for the past 5 minutes. beyond adorable. i may need to go catch him and make him my permanent companion. word.

other things going on include planning of the bonnaroo excursion, working, working on my tan, etc.

i may be sunburnt.

i need a planner.

i am in love with a groundhog.

that's it.

I wish that people could just be normal around me. word.

two things that will never change:

1) I will always be in love with/ want to be Joni Mitchell.
2) I will always be semi-mentally challenged.

I'm at the B-dale right now, inbetween classes. Summer classes= lame.

all i want to do is go home and sleep and marry someone super rich and never have to do anything ever again if i don't want to. mhh hhhm.

Yesterday i got a job and i went for a run on the beach with the sand between my toes and with laura and lauren and all and i went to lauren's and she made us dinner (lasagna! yay!) and then her momma took us to crazee's for ice cream.
best day ever??? maybe??

and now i am procrastinating and wasting time until my second class of the day starts. doo doo doo.

i'm so not interesting anymore. i should get on that. i should also get on the work out thing. and the not being interested in anything thing.

greg gets me in trouble alot. that boy is a bad banana. but, bad like when the banana get's brown soft spots and they actually tasted better that the banana did before. mhhh hhhhm.

ha, i crack myself up.

oh man, can everyone hang out with me??? because i'm lonely??? and i love you all???

awesome, glad we had that talk.

alright, is all.

:o)

So, i have a 20 page lab report due at 5.

I haven't started yet. booo.

is it summer already?? I'm sick of this whole college thing. word word word.

so. uhm. i like greg. i am lame. and very very boring.

i am wearing his shirt and it smells like him and that makes me happy and i miss him.

for serious.

i think i should start working out and eating right and actually lose those 20 pounds i've been complaining about for the last 6 years or so.

oh k, is all.

To the writing now. mhhhh hmmm.

Greg came to visit me :o)

i like him. mhh hmm. a lot.

is it summer yet???

i just want to be home. with greg. and have it be warm. mmmmmmmmmmh.

so, that's where i'm at.... you?

sour cream and onion baked lays = better than anything else ever

i need to shower cause i'm smelly.

i want my life to like "do you remember" ....oh jack johnson

actually, just the whole cd. yeah.

uhm. so nothing exciting going on lately.

i miss greg.

i'm going to florida.

i have jury duty.

i need to study times 5 million.

that's about it.

leave comments and tell me fun things, cause i love you all and i miss you all.

alright, is all

RULES:
1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING! Don't google the lyrics.)
4. When someone guesses correctly, bold the line and list the correct name of the song next to it. (Don't bold the line until the song's ARTIST and NAME have both been guessed correctly!)

Post your guesses in a comment with the song number, title and artist.

1) Well you called me on the phone, and I fell in love.
2)Well it's lacking something big this time, What the hell did you expect to find?
3)She looks me in the eye, says "Would you prefer the easy way?"
4)And when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home
5)Hurry, go on ahead
6)Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?
7)I locked my bike to yours, it wasn't hard to find you painted flowers on.
8)Tuesday's grey and wednesday's too
9)I'd run right into hell and back
10)I swear sometimes you're taking me for granted
11) You're already thinking about someone else
12)The way your hurt me, the way you squeeze, the way you kiss me
13)Close your eyes and think of me
14)He lived all alone within a house, within a room, within himself
15) Because we can can can
16) Don't wanna hear your voice
17)She would do anything to sparkle in his eyes
18) You told her that you loved her, but you don't
19 )And darling we go a-drowning, down we go away, away
20) Woke up this morning, it was 1969 and i was tangled up like christmas lights around an old girlfriend of mine
21) How many train wrecks do we need to see?
22)I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
23)And the violence caused such silence
24)I walk the streets of japan till i get lost
25)So I gave myself to God, there was a pregnant pause before he said ok

boooyah!

there are a bunch of corny songs in there, wooot wo.

Alright.

so. I have an exam in T- minus 5 hours that i should be studying for. I'll get on that.

Alright, so, this summer is gonna be all about getting back to the roots of jenn bechtel.

I want to be spontaneous and fun and beautiful again. and that's what it's all about. word.

operation get sexy has officially begun. my legs hurt already. i am slightly pathetic. ohh well.

i cannot wait for the summer summer summer. doo doo doo... I'm going to Bonnaroo!!! Score!!! 4 days of being smelly and sweaty and listening to amazing music!!! i'm so excited!!! Not to mention the road trip to get there and back!! yay!! yay cubed! to the nth!

alright, over spring break, i need to get a job for the summer. hopefully it is one that will allow me to go the beach. like everyday. cause that would be more than wonderful. and hopefully operation get sexy will have worked it's magic by then. so i will be thin and beautiful and spontaneous and sexy. ahhh, the dreams i have for myself. hahaha. laaame.

i am picking up all of greg's habits, including calling everything lame, listening to bruce springsteen and like 10,000 other things.

I adopted him a gorilla from africa, because i'm lame like that. hardcore. :o) shhhh, it's a surprise though

uhm. let's see. what else.

I am the proud parent of a fighting fishie named ron howard weasley burgundy fishie. cause me and greg won him at a wedding. and he is now residing in Ewing, New Jersey. Ha, I'm a bad mom alright, woot!

uhm. what else can i write whil i'm procrastinating....

i still listen to all the same music i've been listening to for years, and pretty much nothing new. I need to work on that. People, please help aide in my music education. seriously. i need help.

i should send in a post secret, but i don't know what i would say. hmm. hmm. hmm.

so. what to say. Things are good. Really really good lately. it sucks, because now i just want to be home alot. and i cannot wait for the weekends when i can go home. It's really hard to want to spend all your time with someone when they're 300 miles away. I want it to be summer already, bah. cubed.

i heart this song to pieces:

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I just can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most...most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

times a million.

alright, i need to study. now. I hate how i have no motivation or drive or anything lately. at all.

This weekend was pooping amazing. i went home. and i saw all the loves of my life. and it was the best weekend ever. and i had all kinds of girly talking with my laura walker and my amanda ca-effing-larco, who i love to ten billion pieces. I wish everyone that i love was in boston. doo doo doo. I want to make my own city and fill it with only people that i love. so that way, when i walk down the street, i'll love everyone.

should i start smoking? and drinking nothing but coffee? and be mysterious? and write poetry that someone will publish?

i'll think about it. it would be an exciting endeavor. hmm. hmm. and maybe i can start writing again... i haven't really written anything good for like 2 years really. hmm hmm hmm. well, really, when have i ever written anything good?? i'll get on that.

bah. cubed. to the infinity.

alright. I love you all.

i must study, for i am a huge ball of lazy.

au dieu mis amies.

:o)

Soooo...

I'm going home next weekend, yay! and i'm flying on an airplane! yay!

doo doo doo

everything is in a constant state of change... and sometimes i just want it to slow down a little.

I can't wait for the summer. doo doo doo. so i can be less pale. and i don't have to studddy. but i do have to work, booo.

ha, i'm the biggest loser ever. i should probably take a shower now.

doo doo doo.

When I grow up, I want to be a trophy wife :o)

In bio this semester, we're cloning DNA... watch out, there's gonna be mutant Jenn's allll over the place, har har har har har har!

Mad scientist status, here i come :o)

ahh, college work is le crazy... can you believe they're teaching me things like cloning and how to wire everything from here to istanbul and all that crazy stuff??

insane.

everyone should be an engineering major, cause that'd be awesome.

ahhhh :o)

hearts and kisses and cloned sheepies,

Jenn

alright people, it's almost christmas

ahhhh, i love not having to be in class or do anything... it's amaaaazing....

even though i failed out of life this semester. boooo, hissss

ahhhhh

i haven't updated in a million and one years.

maybe my life just isn't that interesting. hmmph. probably.

i'm the most confused i've ever been ever. about everything.

i wish i was interesting and had exciting things to say, but i don't.

I hate life and trying to do the right thing and trying to be a good person and all that shit.

bah. bahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbahbah.

i'm obsessed with scrubs and i want to marry zach braff and have lots of sex and babies. aaaah.

"I wait, I wait so patiently.
I'm quiet as a cup
I hope you'll come and rattle me
Quick! Come wake me up!"

"The dye is cast
The dice are rolled
I feel like shit
you look like gold."

"I have her secret deep within
For years I've had to hide
I've brought the clues and now I'm hope
To bring the truth outside."

awe some.